Saturday, May 5, 2012

~ Scared ~


There is something so wrong with me!
I just wonder am I so hard to understand!?
Yes I am the type of girl who spends most of her time in silence when there is something depressing/scary going on within. Not that I don’t want to open up or irritate people around me but I am not able to. I just need someone to cope up with my silence and hold on. I know it isn’t easy at all. But I can’t just help it.
The moment you think I am dumbly watching your face is the moment I am wondering deep within how can someone be so perfect, so cute!
Well it apparently is not meant for me and I’ll definitely try to deal with it.
I don’t like coming back home at all!
The moment I enter this place called ‘home’,
No one asks me how my day was or if I want to rest or something,
The questions start, why so early, why so late, why this, why that,
I mean what the fuck!!
Why the hell can’t I expect a normal reaction from people!
Why can’t people just give me a moment to relax?
WHY!?
Just please for God’s sake have some mercy on me,
God!
I am already so fucking stressed about my career, my future, my exams,
I don’t fucking have an idea as to what’ll I do if things go wrong
And instead of just letting me calm down people go on shouting and blaming me!
Every single day I pray to God to just get me the hell out of here as soon as possible.
No I can’t take it anymore.
I don’t want to cry to sleep every single night.
I don’t want to spend my time in an unknown fear.
I don’t want to create stupid dumb silences.
I don’t want to die within every single moment fearing the unexpected.
I just don’t want such a life!
I have to go and sit in my closet to just gain some peace of mind,
To stop hearing those annoying, shouting voices,
To stop hearing those arguing, fighting voices outside,
To blink my tears away,
To suppress that fear within!
I don’t know what to do,
I just didn’t want to be home.. I didn’t..
It kills me here!
It hurts me here!
And there is no You here..

And again I wonder how hard is it to understand me.. !





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