~ Illusion v/s Reality ~

August 6,2011, a day I will remember throughout my Life,

a day which brought me to reality

shattering the World of illusions I was living in.

Yesterday I realized the power of forgiveness,

the pain of loving Someone deeply,

the hurt of a broken trust,

and

despite everything the bond of Care.

Yes I lived in my World of illusions

where I be believed that I was a good human,

yesterday the reality hit me hard on my face,

telling me,

'You have always been a Bitch!

The girls You hated, You are nothing else but one of them.

You don't give a damn about Other's feelings,

You are so fucking mean!'

Yes I lived in my World of illusions

where I thought I was far far away from ego and that over-attitude

and yesterday the reality hit me hard on my face 

telling me,

'Who the Fuck do You think You are!

Who gave You the rights to play with the emotions of others, huh?

What is that fucking attitude for!?

Do You think You are some bloody ruler of this World?

You are a No One!!'

Yes I lived in my World of illusions

where I thought I never wanted to hurt anyone

and yesterday the reality hit me hard on my face

telling me,

' Care?

Do You even know what that means??

You fucking don't!

Never ever bring that thought again in Your mind!

You are no Mother Teresa!

You are a Play-girl!

It doesn't matter to You how others feel because of You!'

Yes I know I was wrong,

all these years.

Yes I know it was all my fault,

I should have told You before.

I shouldn't have hidden the truth from You,

I should have had that much of faith on You.

Its all my Fault I know.

Sorry is a very small word to say,

Sorry can't compensate the mistakes I have committed 

and the Pain I have caused

It can't get me the trust back that I have shattered 

intentionally as well as unintentionally.

I know no one can ever Love me more than You did

but I wasn't worth it,

I didn't deserve you.

And please believe me for the last time,

I never used You,

never ever did!

I never wished to hurt You,

it was something I was most afraid of,

Hurting You!

And look at me,

I ended up doing that,

hurting You to the core..

I didn't do a favor on You coming in Your life,

I did that because I felt it was the right thing to do then.

I know I should never have,

I am Sorry.

You made my Life better,

You kept me happy.

I wish You get a beautiful life ahead.

I will never be able to forgive myself for bringing You the Pain.

Never.

You are an Angel and for God's sake stay the way You were 

with me

a wonderful Person.

I will never come across Your path if that is what You want,

if that makes Your life better.

God bless You

and

God forgive me,

Although I myself never will.

Sorry is a small word to say,

yet I say sorry

for these feelings can't be given words every time..

Stay Happy, Stay Blessed!