~ Re-post ~

Heyi Blush 

Late again,

I know,

I am sorry baby,

its just that nothing is going fine right now.

I wish to do something else

and

something else happens.

Today I was just going through the blogs I follow,

when I came across the recent post made by my Di

( Somethings can never be past.. ),

and reading that I realized I am undergoing the same thing right now,

similar emotions,

similar feelings,

just everything,

although the reasons might vary

and I decided to re-post her post

( Hoping she wont mind.. ),

Here it is:

'Don't feel good. Strangely, this life, holds no charm now. somewhere the whole zeal seems gone for now. maybe its the hostility around. or may be there is something lacking in my approach towards things and people.
Strangely everything is here, yet i am unfortunately pushing myself towards the negative road. feeling too bad over trivial issues. Unable to take the higher way. the way which ideally should be taken. Well those are words. And making words a practise is what actually shows how much you have evolved. Thats what shows your true age, age in the real sense. I am trying, trying hard. Trying to evolve, trying to not let myself down, when I sense discomfort in situations and with people.

At present all what I feel like is locking myself up. I feel this need to be away from my own people. Or else snappiness ensues. Unfair on my behalf. I know. No one is expected to understand what i need. And i emphasise on "No One." Becasue with time I have understood that none can understand the strangeness which keeps going on within. Its like a see-saw. And its unfair to expect someone to keep track of this alternative storm and subsequent calm.

Something is hammering. And it is making me feel uneasy. As if I am drifting. All above is the calm of the sea, yet I keep sensing this turmoil. And it makes me want to throw myself away to luck/chance. It makes me want to be irrational. And yes irrational decisions made by me have been many. Why, I question and I know nothing makes sense now. It is me, who is in this turmoil since long. And this turmoil is what makes me feel so lonely.
Probably this is what it is. Loneliness. May be I have had too much of it now. And every way out I seem to find, doesnt help. And its unfair to expect it to help, when right now, I am the one who is unable to help myself. I am the one here who is making stuff difficult.. Thinking too much, too soon.'

I wish I could make few people understand their values in my life,

how damn much they mean to me,

how painful those tears are,

I just wish they would trust me when I told them the truth

instead of trusting me when I spoke in anger the things I never meant.

I just wish,

I am sorry,

Please forgive me.

Those tears just killed me,

won't be able to forgive myself ever 

for bringing them in your eyes.

I hate myself!

Just waiting for things to get better

and

life to get normal.