~ Lonely nights ~

Heyi Blush!

It has been quite long I know!

I have really been waiting to write down here, missed it like anything!

So lately I have become an insomniac, can’t sleep before the sun rises!

When the world gets up, I go to sleep and these nights aren’t good!

I spend them all alone most of the time thinking about my future which I have no idea of.. It is all so scary!

I have these big big dreams and it hurts to realize I won’t be able to live them just because I have no support, no beliefs in me.. I feel sorry for myself!

So minutes back I was watching ‘Tangled’ ( Beautiful movie! ), the part where our beautiful princess lives her dream with the one she loves! ( Lucky enough! ) Simply love the way he supports her till the end no matter how insignificant or stupid the dream was, the lamps look all so beautiful, I wish I could have a similar moment in my real life!

I am all alone, spending the night on my own wondering who to call but no name rings except one and that one name is my life!

I remember how days back a dream of my came true, a shooting star, and in that moment there was just one thing  I missed, I needed and I asked for, without any second thought my lips whispered a name and that was it!

I have never been in love before, love as in LOVE!

And now that I am in love, my world has come to a standstill. Maybe it is stupid that I wish to spend every second with him like no one else exists and expect the same from him but it just comes naturally. And I hate every single person who tried/tries to get him away from me, I just can’t stand that! So I tend to behave weirdly at times for inexplicable reasons. I never ever forget things, good or bad, and they come to me every now and then and I try to focus on the good ones but I also spend nights crying over the things that hurt me. What hurts the most is the fact that even after giving my everything to a relationship I get to hear things I never ever even dream of. It really kills but I am just learning to deal with it.

Lately I have no control over my temper ‘cause my life is pretty much screwed and I stay freaked out most of the time so I just get pissed and spill things out although I don’t want to but well I guess I’ll be fine again once few things of my life are sorted out.

When my heart is hurt like anything I just wonder how it would be like to go and live somewhere, where no one knows me! No one to hurt me.. and I just wish it comes true but then there is a second thought how’ll I survive without him and every moment flashbacks in front of my eyes!

I have no idea what is wrong with me but there are things that I want, things that I need. An understanding heart is like my most basic necessity right now but I tend to lose it every now and then. I am the type of person who speaks the opposite of what I actually need and I just hope the person to understand but sadly most of the time it doesn’t happen and I end up being alone.

So baby I’ll just go now, I am not feeling well.

Love you, miss you!

Will be back soon!