~ Transitions ~

Hey Baby!

Back after a long time.

Missed you and missed writing a lot!

Since the past few days my mind has become a battleground for my thoughts representing so many emotions within me. I often get to hear that I have changed a lot from my close ones, maybe I have changed because my life has changed now. Is something wrong with being happy? I value this happiness, these smiles a lot because I have spent a great deal of time looking for them and living without them. I expect people to understand me, to understand the reason behind this change. What I don’t expect is them leaving me alone thinking I have changed. I have a set of amazing new friends but that doesn’t mean I don’t need the old ones anymore! I always value friendship in my life no matter how old or new it is. Each and every person close to me is irreplaceable no matter what and they just don’t understand this!

My relationship is standing on a weird stage where every single thing has changed. I have changed, he has changed and above all our relationship has changed! I might act all cool about it but the truth is I am consumed by a fear, a fear that what’ll happen when I’ll have no work to do and nothing to divert my mind with, what’ll I do!? I do every single thing to keep my mind away from his thoughts because once they dominate me I end up crying. I just miss every single thing we had between us, that love, that bonding, those moments, just everything! The more I try to avoid his thoughts the more I am consumed by them. Every single thing takes me back to him and I don’t know how to handle myself then. I keep trying to bring everything back to normal but I am afraid nothing will be the way it was, ever! It is like living a nightmare.

One new gift in my life helps me deal with it, a friend who is also the best photographer I have known! I share everything with him and he helps me with it. He keeps me alive, he makes me smile, he never leaves me alone and I have bonded amazingly with him in a very short span of time. His company has a profound effect on me, spending time with him I can find frames everywhere I see just like him. I am so so thankful to God for sending him in my life!

I also had certain new experiences, adventurous ones! Tried a lot of new stuff and still looking for something new to try every day.  But I can’t deny I miss some parts of my old days like hell, I miss the guy I fall in love with, I miss the moments I spent with him, I miss the way he held me tightly in his arms, I miss the way he never left me alone, I miss the way he pampered me all day long, I miss the way we spent entire day talking to each other, I miss those walk back home, I miss being the first person to know everything, I miss everything!

My new life has given me a million reasons to be happy but at the end of the day I am a girl who misses being loved, who wants to be loved and that pains me within! I wish everything gets fine before I start running away from a part of me and lose it forever ..