Confused is the state of mind.

I am feeling so damn blank right now and I just don't know what to do, what to say, what to think or just anything at all.

I don't know what to do with my life right now.

I have a pair of eyes looking at me but no smile.

It's like I have done something really really bad and I just don't understand how I turn out to be the bad person every time, be it anyone!

Am I really that mean or anything like that?

I honestly don't get it that why can't I be perfectly happy for once, I just wanna be happy, maybe just for a day but I so desperately need it! :(

I don't want to feel this pain inside my body for once, this pain that hurts me every single day somehow or the other.

I don't want to be scared for once that I am going to lose someone because of my actions.

I don't want to be misunderstood every single time, I need you to be there instead of getting mad at me and leaving me.

I feel so damn lost and nothing helps, not these tears, not those fake smiles, just nothing at all.

I don't know how long will I be able to deal with this.

I am tired of watching people leave over and over again.

Just sick of it.

Just a day of happiness, would be more than enough.

Tonight I miss that smile in front of my eyes,

I miss those expressions, 

that cute look meant to scare me,

that stupid laughter when something funny happens,

that love in the eyes when i need to be comforted.

I miss everything and it brings tears to my eyes when I don't see you here and I just don't know what to do about it.

You matter the most to me.

I so wish you were here!

'Cause I can't afford losing you,

'Cause it hurts so much to watch you walk away,

'Cause it brings tears to my eyes to not find you near,

'Cause its making me cry right now..

I miss you.. :'(

Its not easy to be me.

Hey Blush!

Very very upset right now.

Somehow I always end up alone, always.

I just wish to cry my heart out tonight.

No dream is too big, I guess.

Hey blush! :)

Its been pretty long since I visited you.

Need you once again.

I am going through a weird phase right now.

Its just like I am disappointed with everyone and I don't feel like being in touch with everyone.

I don't find anything to talk about, its all a big blank as if the slate of my mind has been wiped clean.

I am not able to figure out the reason as to why I have been feeling so distant.

People have started bothering me, their attempts to use me have started suffocating me.

I just wished to be loved without any expectations, without any judgements for once.

My solitude is peaceful but if I say I love it, it would be a mere lie.

Yes it is good at times but there are moments when it starts depressing me.

Yes everyone is mean, people always think about themselves first no matter how close they are and it is next to impossible to find a person who puts you first but I somehow managed to find one person who I respect for his decisions and putting other's happiness first.

I find him pretty much similar to me but I wonder is it worth living a life in which you sacrifice your own happiness for people who don't even acknowledge you for once.

Money and the happiness it buys is just not what I expect,

I find my happiness in small gestures and things.

I am very very thankful to God and a person for last night,

for being there without any demands and just telling me how special I am although I don't have a clue about it.

Thank you so much!

If I ever get over my issues I'll be lucky to make you completely crazy as you would say it!

I am not the type of person who experiences happy tears every now and then.

It is too rare for me and still I experienced it, thank you for that.

This phase of my life really makes me wonder how it would be like after 2 years when I'll be all set to go far away and start a new life.

Yes I got big dreams and I need to make them come true for my own sake, for my own happiness for once.

Help me God to achieve everything I wish to.

For now I guess its going to be my solitude, my insanity and me for some time and maybe an amazing company at times.

Lets see where my life takes me.

# The forbidden love (Fiction)

"Do you love me?", she asked, looking deep into his eyes.

"Of course I do baby! You doubt me?", he replied with a smile on his face.

"No I don't doubt, it just sounds so beautiful. I love hearing it.", she said with shine in her eyes and entwining her fingers in his.

"You rule my heart!", he said as he took off her top and brushed his lips against her warm shoulder skin.

She felt a chill pass down her body as he moved his fingers down her back to her waist and leaned in to kiss her.

She looked into his eyes as his lips moved on hers and then slowly closed her eyes and surrendered herself in his arms.

This wasn't supposed to happen, this feeling, these emotions rushing through her body, she wasn't supposed to feel them, it was the deal, but everything had changed with time and she had fallen in love with him, the forbidden love.

She had this rush, this turmoil inside her to tell him that she loves him every time he kissed her and went on kissing her but she just closed her eyes and keep it all within, scared of the consequences.

But today, today she felt different, as he undressed her and moved inside her, she looked into his eyes, deep down, she could feel tears in her eyes but she blinked them away and kept looking at him.

He made love to her and she went on losing herself to him and then she brought her lips close to his and mumbled, "I love you!"

She didn't think once today, she just said it, loud enough to be heard by him and then she closed her eyes and waited for his reaction.

"Love you!", he said and they made love and then cuddled. 

Everything was as perfect as it could be, but she knew this was going to hurt her soon but she was willing to take the risks to be with him.

Days passed by, the memories were still fresh and she kept wondering how come he made her smile every time just by showing his face to her, she never got the answer.

She decided to go and surprise him one day. She got ready and reached his place, with silent footsteps she moved upstairs, close to his room. 

There he was, on his bed but she realised she wasn't needed there, he already had a beautiful girl with him.

Lying next to him, maybe even the girl felt like she was on the top of the world like she did.

And then she left silently without being noticed.

She reached home and lied down on her bed. As she closed her eyes she could picture the day he made love to her but this time she wasn't there, it was the other girl.

She cried silently and opened her eyes hearing the message tone on her cell.

There it was, "Baby I love you!", he lied to her again and she didn't know what to say to him.

The time to feel the hurt had come.

Welcome 2013 :~)

Heyi Blush! :)

Missed you baby. :*

So here comes the end of another year and beginning of a new one.

Sitting on the bed in trousers and a loose t-shirt with laptop in lap is not the kind of new year celebration people would prefer but I somehow manage to love this time with you.

When I look back at 2012 I learn a lesson that whatever happens, happens for a reason. Yes I know I am not telling something new but I personally experienced this. When I saw my B.tech result in summer break I just knew I couldn't carry on with it anymore but I had no clue how would I face my family and the rest of the clan after that, I was scared but I knew I had to overcome it! Support from few close one made it easier for me and I stood up for myself. My two years were wasted but I had a new life ahead for me, the one I wanted, the one that would give me the future I had always dreamt of and I entered into a new world.

Met new people, tried new things, messed up few old relations and learnt few lessons.

Found an amazing friend in my new life who I hope will stay along throughout my life. :)

Got appreciated from a number of teachers and seniors and learnt I am capable of many things.

Mended all my messed up relations and am very happy to get everyone I love back in my life. Also have decided not to lose them ever again 'cause I have understood how much they mean to me and no matter what you just need some people with you! :)

Am going to get published in eFiction as a writer which is a very very big deal for me!

Developed new interests like photography and am enjoying it from heart.

Made some new and very very special memories with my love and wish to spend all the new years of my life with him. I love you! :)

That is the brief of my past year. I lost my way but I found it back but either ways I enjoyed the journey. Now I am turning into the person I wish to be, I do what I like, what makes me happy. I want to move ahead of the person I was to keep the world happy, I don't wish to lose myself every time I get hurt, I intend to be strong and like a teacher of mine said there is nothing wrong with wanting glamour in life, Yes I want glamour in my life and I don't hesitate in saying that! I dream big and will do everything to make it come true!

So now when I look behind I don't cry, I don't get depressed, I smile!

And with this I welcome the new year with a smile on my face and just one resolution to never ever let the people I love go from my life. :)

Looking forward to being awesome! ;)

Love you baby!

Happy New Year!

:)

I just don't know how lonely could I possible get!?

I feel so lonely even when I am surrounded with a number of people I just feel so lonely within, you are the only thought on my mind and I simply can't help it.

Well the truth is it never was a fling since the first time I held your hand to the last time I fed you your lunch, it was way too special, always have been!

I just don't know what happened to me that day when I looked into your eyes looking for a answer, an assurance that you would never leave me alone, I trusted you blindly and decided that very moment to spend the rest of my life with you.

Even though it was a teenage love as people would say but for me it was my life, I gave everything to this relationship, to you without questioning without doubting and asked you for just one thing, You.. with me.. always!

Was it that hard baby?

Couldn't you stay for me ..?

... And I don't know why I felt differently today hearing You say that!

Maybe its the start of a new journey.

Looking forward to happiness.

:)

~ Crossroads ~

22nd December, my birthday, as it got closer my hopes were up that this time it would be different, this time it would be all smiles no tears, this time it would be special..with You but it turned the other way around.

Still memorable but painfully memorable, I can't imagine anything worse for myself now.

The feeling I have right now, its like I have nothing more left to lose.

Guess people speak the truth when they say never make anyone your everything 'cause when they leave you are left with nothing.

I have never felt this lost before,

I don't know what to do, what to say, I just kill my time someway or the other.

I cry out of nowhere and even when I laugh, tears roll down my cheeks.

I try, I pretend that I am fine but the truth is I am not, I feel terrible inside, I feel hollow within and it pains, it hurts me but there is nothing I can do except learning to live with this pain and make a terrible attempt to find happiness.

My birthday is a lost cause and I wonder are promises made on bed limited to bed only?

Everything is a big fake, a big lie, all those promises especially. Why did you make them when you didn't intend on keeping them? Why did you put dreams in my eyes when all you wanted was to break them?

I don't know what it'll take for you to see the love I have for you, the sacrifices I willingly made and I would make in future, guess its all no worth to you, had it been I wouldn't be the person I am just 'cause you left me.

If I am the cause of unhappiness in your life I promise I'll walk away from you life and will never ever look back, nothing else matters more than your happiness, I wish it was the same other way around too but guess I am not that lucky.

The truth is, life without You is terrible, painful, I cry myself to sleep every single night but I guess that'll never matter to you.

You kicked me out, you hurt me in every possible way and still here I stand saying with tears in my eyes,

'I love you.. always did.. always will..'

... And he looked deep in to my eyes, I could feel his breath on my face, I could see a pain, an agony in his eyes as he said, 'Wait for me.. Will you!?'

I stared at him spell-bounded, all I could see and all I could feel was him and the fact that he was going away made it even more hard for me. I wanted to speak 'Yes I will!' but I couldn't utter a word, I just kept looking at him and nodded my head and he knew I would, so did I!

That day, that incident changed my life forever,

I got to know it would be him or no one else now and still it'll be you or no one else.

Being away from you can't stop me from loving you .. I'll wait ..

She looked deep into his eyes, breathing heavily, as she watched and felt him move gently inside her as if he was afraid that he might hurt her, with just one thought revolving in her mind,” How will I ever live if he leaves me alone..” She just kept staring at his calm face trying to find an answer in his eyes. His eyes talked to her even when he didn't, something in them assured her that he’ll never ever let her fall apart, that he’ll always be there to look after her, that he loved her insanely and won’t let a drop of tear fall from her eyes.

Finding her lost in thoughts he asked her,” What are you thinking baby?”

“Nothing”, she replied and tightened her hold.

Looking deep into her eyes he whispered,” I love you baby!” and leaned down to kiss her lips. As he moved his lips on hers she could feel a chill running down her body, he went on kissing her passionately as she kept on getting lost in him. With a mischievous smile on his face and passion in his eyes he lifted her up in his arms and pinned her against the table. She loved this feeling of being owned, of being dominated by him and she returned the smile back following everything he said. He pulled back her hair as he bit and kissed her lips, she went on in the flow of passion kissing him back and as he moved inside her she let out a moan and closed her eyes. All she could feel, all she could think and all she could hear was him, just him. Nothing else mattered to her except the fact that she was crazily in love with this guy! Again the thought of being without him started scaring her and she opened her eyes, pulled him close to her and hugged him tight. She held him tight until she assured herself that he was right there and he would never ever leave her alone. As she drew back she saw questions and worry in his eyes, he caressed her softly as he asked her if something was wrong. She just nodded her head in a no, never leaving his gaze. He lifted her gently and placed her on bed trying to comfort her. She cuddled within him and whispered, “I love you!”

“Baby I love you too and I am right here ok!” he said as he held her close to his heart.

Hearing his heartbeat against her ears she felt very comforted and looking into his eyes she found her answer that he would never ever leave her alone. She smiled at him as he kissed his corners of his baby’s lips. She hugged him tight knowing this was the most perfect guy and this was the most perfect moment of her life!

~ Transitions ~

Hey Baby!

Back after a long time.

Missed you and missed writing a lot!

Since the past few days my mind has become a battleground for my thoughts representing so many emotions within me. I often get to hear that I have changed a lot from my close ones, maybe I have changed because my life has changed now. Is something wrong with being happy? I value this happiness, these smiles a lot because I have spent a great deal of time looking for them and living without them. I expect people to understand me, to understand the reason behind this change. What I don’t expect is them leaving me alone thinking I have changed. I have a set of amazing new friends but that doesn’t mean I don’t need the old ones anymore! I always value friendship in my life no matter how old or new it is. Each and every person close to me is irreplaceable no matter what and they just don’t understand this!

My relationship is standing on a weird stage where every single thing has changed. I have changed, he has changed and above all our relationship has changed! I might act all cool about it but the truth is I am consumed by a fear, a fear that what’ll happen when I’ll have no work to do and nothing to divert my mind with, what’ll I do!? I do every single thing to keep my mind away from his thoughts because once they dominate me I end up crying. I just miss every single thing we had between us, that love, that bonding, those moments, just everything! The more I try to avoid his thoughts the more I am consumed by them. Every single thing takes me back to him and I don’t know how to handle myself then. I keep trying to bring everything back to normal but I am afraid nothing will be the way it was, ever! It is like living a nightmare.

One new gift in my life helps me deal with it, a friend who is also the best photographer I have known! I share everything with him and he helps me with it. He keeps me alive, he makes me smile, he never leaves me alone and I have bonded amazingly with him in a very short span of time. His company has a profound effect on me, spending time with him I can find frames everywhere I see just like him. I am so so thankful to God for sending him in my life!

I also had certain new experiences, adventurous ones! Tried a lot of new stuff and still looking for something new to try every day.  But I can’t deny I miss some parts of my old days like hell, I miss the guy I fall in love with, I miss the moments I spent with him, I miss the way he held me tightly in his arms, I miss the way he never left me alone, I miss the way he pampered me all day long, I miss the way we spent entire day talking to each other, I miss those walk back home, I miss being the first person to know everything, I miss everything!

My new life has given me a million reasons to be happy but at the end of the day I am a girl who misses being loved, who wants to be loved and that pains me within! I wish everything gets fine before I start running away from a part of me and lose it forever ..

~ Nervous ~

Heyi Blush!

Hope you are fine baby! :*

I lately realized life can be so so unexpected!

One morning I wake up and receive a message that a friend of mine is no more! Taken totally aback I message my other friends to confirm the details and it turns out to be true. Yet unbelievable to me, every little thing about her keeps revolving around in my head all the time. Especially her plans for her future, there was a guy she was in a committed relationship with since past 4-5 years. I remember her saying they would convince their parents and get married and I believe they would do so and now I can’t even think about the condition the guy would be in. I never knew him personally but she told me a lot about him, it pains me to think about his loss. I lost a friend too but that is nothing compared to the boy who lost the love of his life, I can’t even imagine being in such a situation!

Every detail of her goes on and on in my mind and there is no one I can share the stuff with. I was the first person she spoke to after joining the college and later she told me about her wrong judgment about me based on my first impression. She had thought I was a girl filled with attitude but as she got to know me she thought I was a sweet person. She loved watching my photos in my cell phone and she loved the special ring I have. It’s still so unbelievable to me. I was hoping to see her and tell her how I was about to start a new life but now I can’t .. I’ll miss you, I’ll!

I am just surprised, very surprised. I myself am in love with a person and for the ones who think I don’t know the meaning of love, He defines love for me. The feeling I have for him is love to me, the goose bumps I have every time he is close is love to me! And trust me even the thought of being without him hurts so much, I don’t even want to face that pain ever in my life. I am ready to take every other pain to avoid the pain of being without him, I am! I can maybe let go everything I have but not him, he makes me strong but he also makes me weak at times. Lately we are going through a ‘Nothing to talk about’ phase and maybe it is just with me because he can’t share everything with me. It really scares me what if this becomes permanent what if he gets bored of the dumb me who has nothing to tell, I don’t know what I’ll do! I find him happy with others but not with me, I don’t know what is up, I just don’t!

I don’t know why but nights are scary for me, I really really need someone to be with me but sadly I stay alone and it’s even more scary! The ‘I don’t care’ attitude is not cool, knowing everything if you do get ready to leave me on my own then maybe I should learn to live with this, puts me in a sad position. I really think myself to be a sad little person at times, nothing works out for me, ever!

I am about to make a new start in my life. I have an entrance exam tomorrow morning clearing which will take me a step closer to my dreams. I intend to do my best and live my dreams utilizing the first and last chance I have! If I fail this time I’ll make a fool of myself in front of everyone and if I pass I’ll be the ideal example for people who love and support me and also the ones who criticize me. I don’t know how long I am destined to live but till I am breathing I would rather utilize my every single breath to catch up with my life and get rid of all the complications. I owe a lot to my father who despite everything is giving me this chance putting some faith in me and also to my friends who instead of laughing at me are happy for me and are there to back me up every time I stumble! I love you guys, thank you for being there!!

Next three years are going to be the most important years of my life because they’ll decide the destiny of rest of my life and it’s totally on me to make the best of it or screw it like the rest of my life and I believe I am ready for a change now, no more screwing up! It’s high time to stop screwing everything and start living my life and chasing the big dreams I carry in my eyes. Thank you God for giving me this chance!!

So I guess the cloudy sky is just to welcome a bright new ray of sunshine and dissolve itself in the clear sky to make us realize the importance of rays which we ignore on any normal day!

Wish me luck baby, tomorrow is just a beginning!

And to the One, if you ever think I don’t know what love is, look deep into my eyes you’ll find yourself there.

Bless me God!

~ I love David Guetta! ~

Heyii Blush!

I was just watching my favorite part of ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’!

And believe me it is so damn heart-touching, just makes me want to cry, the perfect marriage proposal!

I have just tuned in ‘Wonderful tonight’, the track played during that moment ( which is beautiful too by the way! ). Once again its night and I am here all alone.

So I am the type of person who doesn’t really like marriage in stuff or as we say the career before marriage type but well despite my disliking for the marriage there are a few moments in my life that I’ll always remember. Let us say there are two beautiful, very beautiful moments in my life, one was a drunken mistake and other an overwhelming surprise. Those incidents and my reactions actually made me wonder about the things I wanted and surprisingly the disliking didn’t matter then because it was the guy I love.

Well I guess there is one person in everyone’s life who makes everything perfect, the one person who when comes in front of you all your logic, all your reasoning jumps out of the window and love takes over. I am glad as well as lucky to have found that one person. But well love always comes with a cost and it is hard to maintain the happy relation forever, for there are stupid fights, issues, problems and stuff but I guess things that are meant to be always find a way to stick together!

I am missing someone a lot right now and I would really love it if he would have called me knowing how the nights are for me. It doesn’t feel right when I have other people by my side when I need him, so I push everyone else away too and stay alone till it becomes unbearable to me. I am just a kid inside and I do get scared.. and being alone sucks!

I am a little freaked out regarding my academic results, they’ll be out any minute now and if things don’t go fine I am really going to be screwed up, real bad! So fingers crossed! Despite everything, all the tensions, I am not able to take my eyes off my cell phone! Every time it blinks my heart skips a beat expecting it would be him but then disappointment comes over and I get sad.

I have become a stupid person, I just stopped everything for one thing and sadly it doesn’t even matter. I should really get a life of my own! I wonder how it would be like to be all free, no one to question, no one to stop, just total freedom! Being so bounded by my family I crave for freedom, I dream for it and I can’t wait for it! It’s getting harder and harder for me, really want to get drunk and get some good proper sleep! I also crave for sleep now. I have become a lazy ass, on the bed entire day and still tired! I really need to do some stuff and just do something, I am tired of being on the bed entire day like a sick person and staring my phone all the time!

Just tuned in ‘Sexy Bitch’! David Guetta makes me want to move and groove, no matter what mood I am in! :P

So I am kind of dancing and typing at the same time, and yea it is my wish to attend his concert at least once in my lifetime! Damn I want to hear these sexy beats live and dance my ass off! :P .. See I actually am in good mood now, credits to DG! :D

So now I am wondering I should make another of my wish list ( I think that is a great idea! :D )

I am going to catch up in a while Blush.

Love you! :*

~ Lonely nights ~

Heyi Blush!

It has been quite long I know!

I have really been waiting to write down here, missed it like anything!

So lately I have become an insomniac, can’t sleep before the sun rises!

When the world gets up, I go to sleep and these nights aren’t good!

I spend them all alone most of the time thinking about my future which I have no idea of.. It is all so scary!

I have these big big dreams and it hurts to realize I won’t be able to live them just because I have no support, no beliefs in me.. I feel sorry for myself!

So minutes back I was watching ‘Tangled’ ( Beautiful movie! ), the part where our beautiful princess lives her dream with the one she loves! ( Lucky enough! ) Simply love the way he supports her till the end no matter how insignificant or stupid the dream was, the lamps look all so beautiful, I wish I could have a similar moment in my real life!

I am all alone, spending the night on my own wondering who to call but no name rings except one and that one name is my life!

I remember how days back a dream of my came true, a shooting star, and in that moment there was just one thing  I missed, I needed and I asked for, without any second thought my lips whispered a name and that was it!

I have never been in love before, love as in LOVE!

And now that I am in love, my world has come to a standstill. Maybe it is stupid that I wish to spend every second with him like no one else exists and expect the same from him but it just comes naturally. And I hate every single person who tried/tries to get him away from me, I just can’t stand that! So I tend to behave weirdly at times for inexplicable reasons. I never ever forget things, good or bad, and they come to me every now and then and I try to focus on the good ones but I also spend nights crying over the things that hurt me. What hurts the most is the fact that even after giving my everything to a relationship I get to hear things I never ever even dream of. It really kills but I am just learning to deal with it.

Lately I have no control over my temper ‘cause my life is pretty much screwed and I stay freaked out most of the time so I just get pissed and spill things out although I don’t want to but well I guess I’ll be fine again once few things of my life are sorted out.

When my heart is hurt like anything I just wonder how it would be like to go and live somewhere, where no one knows me! No one to hurt me.. and I just wish it comes true but then there is a second thought how’ll I survive without him and every moment flashbacks in front of my eyes!

I have no idea what is wrong with me but there are things that I want, things that I need. An understanding heart is like my most basic necessity right now but I tend to lose it every now and then. I am the type of person who speaks the opposite of what I actually need and I just hope the person to understand but sadly most of the time it doesn’t happen and I end up being alone.

So baby I’ll just go now, I am not feeling well.

Love you, miss you!

Will be back soon!

Lying beneath the ashes of real me,

Is a person even I fail to recognize ..

~ Scared ~

There is something so wrong with me!

I just wonder am I so hard to understand!?

Yes I am the type of girl who spends most of her time in silence when there is something depressing/scary going on within. Not that I don’t want to open up or irritate people around me but I am not able to. I just need someone to cope up with my silence and hold on. I know it isn’t easy at all. But I can’t just help it.

The moment you think I am dumbly watching your face is the moment I am wondering deep within how can someone be so perfect, so cute!

Well it apparently is not meant for me and I’ll definitely try to deal with it.

I don’t like coming back home at all!

The moment I enter this place called ‘home’,

No one asks me how my day was or if I want to rest or something,

The questions start, why so early, why so late, why this, why that,

I mean what the fuck!!

Why the hell can’t I expect a normal reaction from people!

Why can’t people just give me a moment to relax?

WHY!?

Just please for God’s sake have some mercy on me,

God!

I am already so fucking stressed about my career, my future, my exams,

I don’t fucking have an idea as to what’ll I do if things go wrong

And instead of just letting me calm down people go on shouting and blaming me!

Every single day I pray to God to just get me the hell out of here as soon as possible.

No I can’t take it anymore.

I don’t want to cry to sleep every single night.

I don’t want to spend my time in an unknown fear.

I don’t want to create stupid dumb silences.

I don’t want to die within every single moment fearing the unexpected.

I just don’t want such a life!

I have to go and sit in my closet to just gain some peace of mind,

To stop hearing those annoying, shouting voices,

To stop hearing those arguing, fighting voices outside,

To blink my tears away,

To suppress that fear within!

I don’t know what to do,

I just didn’t want to be home.. I didn’t..

It kills me here!

It hurts me here!

And there is no You here..

And again I wonder how hard is it to understand me.. !

... And she knew she was in love!

“Is he actually gone?”,the voice rang in her mind over and over again.

Constantly wiping her wet eyes, she hid her face in her palms wondering,” Why? Why did he go? Was she that bad for him? “

Again a sob choked out of her throat. She hadn’t moved from her bed since past few days, she recollected remaining bits of her and stood infront of a mirror watching her swollen red eyes as she traced her face. She splashed cold water on her face to wash the agony, the pain she was feeling but the warm droplets of water dissolved in the cold water and fall across her face.

She begged to God to make her numb, she couldn’t bear the pain, the hurt anymore. Everytime when his words rang in her mind she felt as if someone stabbed her heart and a squeak of pain escaped alongwith her breath. She went back to her bed, hid herself in the dark, she didn’t like light anymore, why would she when her life had become a storehouse of darkness!

Tired she closed her eyes but his face never left her thoughts, surprised by a sudden vibration she checked her cellphone.

A message from him!

She felt a chill flow down her body as she picked up her cellphone and saw his name flash across the screen. She wondered how could anyone control her so much that even his name was enough to give birth to a turmoil within her. With trembling hands she opened the message,

“ How are You?” , it read ,laughing at her ownself she wondered,

“Why would you care now!?”, and coldly she replied,

“ Still alive!”

No vibration for a while, she thought might be she had hurt him acting so cold but then again,

“ Why would he care when he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?”

“ I am doing this for you, for me , for us! Maybe you deserve someone better.. “,

His reply read.

A streak of tear escaped her eyes and she whispered,

“ I don’t want anyone else! I just want to be with you.. “

But alas he couldn’t hear her, no one could.

Trembling with the thought of losing him forever, she cuddled within herself and hid her face again trying to push away his thoughts from her memories. She needed to sleep, to be away from the pain for sometime. She blinked hard to keep the tears away and closed her eyes trying to gain some peace of mind and soon she fell asleep. When she woke up she sighed,

“ Even sleep can’t separate me from him.. he is present everywhere like he said.. “

Helpless she explored through her messages again hoping the nightmare might come to an end but then she knew this wasn’t a nightmare, it was the harsh reality and she had to cope up with it somehow or the other. She wanted to see him, she needed to see him before it was too late! Before she had nothing more left with her except the hollowness she felt within. She asked him to see her once and he agreed.

It was a relief as well as a dose of restlessness. She had no idea how she would face him, how she would react, how she would tell him how much she needed him, how much he meant to her and how much she was in love with him ..

Pushing away the thoughts she got up from her bed again and went for a shower. Feeling a bit relaxed she stood infront of her closet wondering what to wear but again it didn’t matter what she wore, it wouldn’t bring him back! No, she won’t cry, she decided and put on a simple kurti with trouser. She went into her balcony waiting for the dusk to fall upon, waiting to see the face she was in love with.

As time passed by she could feel butterflies in her stomach, the thought of seeing him made her feel happy as well as restless. The time had come, it was 9 P.M by her watch,

“He might be coming anytime..”,

She thought and walked here and there trying to supress her nervousness and fear.

Her cell vibrated, it was him!

“I am here”, the text read.

Fighting the nervousness she opened her gate and there he was, standing right infront of her.Every single moment with him flashbacked infront of her eyes, she felt as if she was getting lost in a void with no way out, but struggling within herself she signalled him to enter the house and follow her to her room silently. They reached her room and she asked him to sit down and feel comfortable. She went to fetch water for him and supressing every emotion inside she returned back with a fake smile on her face.

“How difficult it can be!”, she wondered and sat down infront of him. For a moment there was silence, pin-drop silence as she looked down to her lap and she could feel his eyes tracing her face. She looked up again and their eyes met. She looked into his eyes but she didn’t find what she had expected, no hatred, ho happiness, no calm, there was pain in them, care for her and love, pure love. She looked down again blinking hard to keep the tears away. He took the moment and laid back on the bed gazing onto the ceiling. Something within her pushed her and she got up, went next to him joining him on the bed. They both gazed above into the emptiness hiding their pain within them. And then she turned around to face him, she looked at his face, the face that pulled her out of every sorrow. She rested her head on his arms and he took her into his arms turning around to face her, they kept looking at each other with millions of emotions swirling around. Afraid she might lose him, she leaned forward and hugged him tight. She desperately needed to be in those arms. He hugged her back and they embraced each other for a long time then they drew back gently not leaving each other’s gaze. They loked at each other for sometime and gradually leaned forward and moved towards each other’s lips. Afraid she might break into pieces she clutched him tightly and returned back the kiss. They kissed in pain, in agony and in passion. And then he got up from the bed and pinned her on her bed, holding her hands above her head, looking deep into her eyes. She didn’t struggle, she didn’t move, she just kept looking at him with love in her eyes. He came closer to her and started kissing her again, she returned back the warmth, the love alongwith the kiss.

Never taking his eyes off her he pulled her up on the bed, in her arms and took pff her top, pulling back her hairs. He bit her neck with burning emotions inside him. He pushed her back on bed and took off her trousers. They both knew what was coming, what was going to happen next. She knew she loved him more than anything in this world and she needed to be loved. He knew she was his, every tiny bit of her belonged to him and he was there to claim it, to love her. She pulled his hairs and took off his shirt letting her emotions ooze out of her body. Amidst the passion, they made love and as he made love to her she could feel being united to him with every move. She held onto him, holding him tight. Then he looked at her placing a kiss on her forehead and said,

“ I love You!”

She couldn’t hide her tears anymore, she held him tight and requested,

“ Please don’t go! Please don’t leave me alone.. I won’t be able to exist without you.. “,

With tears running down her cheeks.

She could sense the pain in his eyes as he caressed her face.

“Baby I would never leave you alone, I love you so much.. even I can’t be without you.. !”

As he spoke these words they hugged each other tight and he wiped the tears off her eyes. He promised he would turn all her tears into pretty smiles as he kissed the corner of her lips, his corners of his baby’s lips, which made her lip curve into a smile and she smiled through her tears after so many days.

She cuddled next to him hiding herself within him, feeling protected as he stroked her hair and caressed her lips. She slept holding him tight sending one last prayer to God before she slept,

“ Thank you God for making me fall in love and being loved back.. !”

And then she rose her face, got close to his ears and whispered,

“I love You!”

and comforted herself into his arms as he held her tighter just like his little baby,

knowing she was safe and she won’t ever be alone!

~ One night Stand ~

#FICTION

I stepped in the cab as the driver halted near the footpath,

‘Take me to the airport! ’, I commanded.

As I indulged in my thoughts about the trip,

The driver decided to fill the strange silence and asked me,

‘Where are you heading to, ma’am?’

‘Paris’, I answered.

‘Business or Pleasure?’

My lips curved to form a wicked smile,’ Both!’

And we had reached our destination, the airport.

As I stepped in my flight looking for my seat,

I found a guy staring at me.

‘Oh God! He is hot! ‘, I thought as his smile mesmerized me.

Co-incidentally he was my seat partner for the flight

And a shiver passed through my spine with a strange feeling in my heart!

His hands brushed against my shoulders as he fastened my seat belt for me,

I could feel a heat building up between us as his hands moved across my body slightly touching my breast, my waist and then my thighs.

He gave me a playful smile as I looked at him hypnotized!

His charm had already showed its effect on me and now it was my turn to turn on the heat!

We chatted for a long time, sharing each other’s interest and then my mind decided to play naughty.

Pretending that I was feeling hot I started taking off the shrug covering my off shoulder dress,

As I took off the shrug inch by inch, I could feel his eyes following my every movement.

I got closer to him and as he got closer to me, I jerked back, gave him my cocky smile and winked.

My charm had done its job!

Finally our flight landed in Paris,

He helped me out with my luggage and as we stepped out of the terminal he asked,

‘Where will you go?’

‘I’ll just go to a hotel and rest there for tonight, I have a business meeting to attend tomorrow.’

‘Mind spending the night with me? ’, he asked signaling towards his car.

‘I would love to!’

And we got in his car.

As the driver took the car to his place, we could feel a heat building up between us as he brushed his hand against my thighs and I clutched his shirt taking a better view of his well toned chest.

As we reached his place,

He unlocked the door and I followed him.

As I turned around to lock the door again,

He held me from behind and started kissing my shoulders.

A fire burnt inside me with his every touch,

I turned around and we kissed with burning passion!

I unbuttoned his shirt and he kept kissing me,

Crushing my lips against his.

He took off my dress and lifted me up in his arms

And carried me to his bedroom.

Gently placing me on his bed,

He kissed my legs as he moved on me.

He had a body of a Greek-God that had a mesmerizing effect on me.

As he tore apart the remaining bit of my clothes,

Our bodies melted into one.

With every move I wanted him more and more.

Our bodies met and then our soul.

Tired we both dozed off after the amazing sex.

Early in the morning, I woke up feeling the cool morning breeze around me.

I got up and got ready,

He was still sleeping peacefully as I looked at him,

I collected my luggage and left his home leaving a note behind,

‘Thank You for the wonderful time.

Love is not what I seek after a heart-break,

Lust is my piece of cake!

I won’t forget you ever!’

~ Strangeness ~

Since the past few days I have been observing a fellow blogger ( also on social networking ),

A guy I have heard about but never known,

Someone who is stranger to me and so am I to him!

I went through his blog and his updates,

( He is an excellent writer! )

And I find a strange connection with him!!

I wonder how is that even possible feeling connected to someone you barely know

and someone who is elder and much mature than You!

Going through his words,

I realized its very wrong to judge a person after hearing one side of the story,

‘cause we never know what the other person went through!

It is pretty easy to feel and share the pain of someone you know and love

And it is equally easy to blame the other person for everything especially when he is a stranger to you!

Unknowingly he taught me many things,

I really wish to know him more but I will preferably stay away!

If we ever cross paths in our lives, maybe then! :)

Thank You Mr. Stranger!