~ Moments :) ~

Heyii Baby Blush! :)

Hope You are doing fine! :)

Right now I am hopping on my chair listening to 'Dirty Dancer' by Enrique

( That guy seriously got some killer looks! :P

Looks really hot and I love the way he dresses himself up! ).

So my mind right now is partially occupied with the track and

rest of it is thinking about Yesterday evening

( Which was beautiful!!! ).

I spent my entire weekend roaming outside my house.

Firstly I went for a haircut as I desperately needed one!

( And right now I am loving my wild hairs! :D )

Then I had some college-related shopping to do

and then finally came the evening

( The most awaited part of a day! ).

Evenings are a wonderful time to spend with loved ones!

And that too when You have someone so so so damn special beside You! :)

For the first time,

I discovered the charm and beauty of lying on the grass ,

beneath the starlit sky watching the bright and shiny stars and occasionally the person You are with!

Beautiful indeed! :)

( Have no words for that! )

Somehow those eyes make me feel so special,

that look in those eyes is so comforting.

Goshhh I love it!

Simply makes me forget everything. :)

I love the way every time I get ready to leave,

You hold me back and look at me saying,

' Please don't go! '

I simply am not able to deny that request ever!

How can I say no when I myself never ever wish to go?!

I get back to my position,

next to You! :)

Watching the surrounding,

the sky,

the stars,

the moon

and 

also airplanes! :D

( I become sooooooo happy when I see one! :D )

Above all watching You!

I don't know how but You give me goosebumps .. every time! :)

Wow!!

Loved each and every moment

( EVERY! ).

I just have no words to describe that feel right now.

All I know is 

I Lowe You!

Then today, in the college,

one of my friends brought up the issue that hurts me the most,

the one I would never be able to forgive myself for..

She was just talking about that and suddenly I experienced a flashback of all those moments,

that last meeting,

those words,

that shaky voice,

those trembling hands,

and then there it was,

Yes I was crying!

Those tears silently came into my eyes and then out of it.

I could feel the pain within me,

a pain for how things were and 

how they have turned out,

a pain for losing someone I cared so much for.

Yes it is tough ,very tough to let You go,

but I have no other option,

I wish there was some option in which I could keep You in my life,

along with the current happening in my life,

but I guess I am not worthy enough.

Every time that statement passes through my mind,

' It was nice meeting You.. '

It is so so painful,

Tears come out of nowhere,

even now they are there..

I never wanted to hurt You, never,

How do I tell You, how ..

I care a hell lot for You,

I won't be able to see indifference in those eyes,

if they ever meet mine again..

I just wont be able to .. :(

( I am sorry, really am .. sorry .. :( )

I just hope You stay happy .. that is all I can say right now !

God bless You!

Once again I am stuck somewhere between happiness and sorrow,

and both are extreme at their places!

A pain creeps through my heart for losing so integral part of my life and

at the same time it celebrates for the new feel it is experiencing,

the feel of Love!

Standing amidst these emotions,

I am not able to understand the things I am undergoing.

But once again, 

some people simply don't let me stay sad for a long time,

Lowe You for that! :)

Take care Blush!

I'll be back very soon! :)

Hoping for the Best for everyone! 

~ And the Unexpected happens once again ~

Heyi Blush! :)

I missed You Baby! :*

I really wish You could sit next to me at times ,

when I feel all alone and lost!

I always come to You later or sooner in such conditions.

You always make me feel better Baby. :)

Past few days in college have been filled with lots and lots of emotions,

with the most dominating one being.. umm.. maybe Confusion!

Finally I have become a senior in my college with the arrival of my first years,

but well it doesn't seem to interest me much due to some reasons,

maybe one of them being the attitude of my friends.

I simply don't care if my juniors respect me or not,

if I meet someone good enough I just ask them about their day and the next time they see me,

they automatically greet me with a smile and that sounds much better than the forced greetings! :)

And I am happy this way,

Respect Your Senior from the Heart or just don't!

That is what I believe and follow.

Yes I am happy because of a very Special person!

Its so so so good to have that company around but at times I wonder if I create some kind of disturbance,

and I am not able to come to any conclusion!

God knows what it is!

I stay so confused ,

whom to talk whom not to,

what to do, what not to,

etc etc.

I can feel the change around me and I don't like it.

People are near to me yet so far away..

Right now I am sad,

I don't know why but I am!

Feeling so alone and upset,

I just wish these years pass away quickly 

and I get out of this place!

I hate this city,

that stupid college,

these confusions,

silly depressions!

I need a change,

simply wish to go far away from all these.

But yes I am very happy to have a little sister in the college,

simply love her! :)

She always makes me smile with all her non-sense,

and its wonderful to have her around! :)

And well talking about the Unexpected,

it was something damn damn damn unexpected! :D

( And that was a silly thing to say :P )

I had never ever thought in my dreams 

that I would bring Someone home like this! :P

I decided that out of nowhere,

and Luck favored me so damn much!

The trip became quite exciting one. ;)

Although I didn't like some part of it,

the introduction-with-the-family thing,

but rest of it was Beautiful,

simply Perfect! :)

Just like a Dream come true. :)

Loved it like anything!

Wow! 8)

And I am simply not going to forget those eyes when they said,

' I just won't let You go anywhere...'

Lovely! :*

And well I am thinking I should find out which side of my cheeks forms a little dimple when I laugh! :D

Every time I am sad,

I am asked to answer this question 

and out of nowhere I start laughing!

( Fell in the trap :P )

I am a silly kid! :P

I really need to discover this! :D

Somethings are real bad

and

Somethings are real good right now.

And I chose to focus on the good things for mine as well as other's happiness. :)

And well Some people simply don't let me stay sad for a long time,

Love You all for that! :)

Really do!

Thank You God for those amazing moments! :)

~ Its a big big World ~

Heyii Blush! :)

Hope You are fine Baby.

( You always are! :D )

Keeping in mind, a suggestion given by a wonderful person,

I finally increased the size of my font! :D

It feels really good to have a comment from my dear readers. :)

I have been thinking how this world of blogging has created an entirely different World for everyone!

People come in here,

share their lives,

their specialties,

their happiness,

their sorrows

with few unknown readers

who somehow are able to relate to them!

It seems as if we know them from a long long time,

Strangers meet here and at times they are the ones who understand us more than our closest friends are able to

( Isn't that surprising? ).

This blogging site has become some kind of drug to which I am addicted!

I keep coming back here every now and then,

Sometimes to share my life

and sometimes to sneak in the life of my favorite bloggers! :)

It is a bliss to be here every time!

I wish to make some wonderful friends here,

and I guess I have already found some. :)

I wish all of You the very best in Your lives,

May You get the best of everything! :)

Cheers to the Blogger spirit! :)

~ Unpredictable Life ~

Heyii Blush!

Moshi moshi Baby :P

( I heard it in a movie, Japanese method of saying hello )

Hope You are fine Blush. :)

Past week has been full of lots of ups and downs.

It was something like one moment we were so excited 

and the other moment equally depressed,

this transition with every passing moment 

made me wonder about the unpredictability of life. 

We all know,

Life is never easy

but at times

things happen out of nowhere,

and we are simply not able to understand,

Why, How??

Apparently we find no answers to the questions arising in our mind,

and that is equally irritating!

Suddenly life appears to be hell,

and we start ignoring the ones who care for us too.

Sometimes we feel like running into the arms of Someone 

who makes us feel better and just shed some tears and find comfort there

and the very next moment we feel like running away from the entire world,

and spending some time with loneliness.

I did enjoy some beautiful moments 

sitting beneath the star-lit sky,

talking non-sense with a hope to cheer Someone up,

watching the variation of expressions on the face with every passing moment,

trying to comfort in every possible way,

watching the time pass so so quickly,

trying to analyze the situation myself for being able to give some answers.

I wonder how things turn magical with You around,

I so damn much love to be with You,

Truly, madly ,deeply.

I have never been this sure about anything in my life,

And I am glad You have brought some stability in my freaking-unstable life.

Yes I love it when You share everything with me,

good or bad.

I love it when You come to me when You need Someone,

makes me feel special.

I really wonder how time and meeting fall short every time!

At times it looks like Life has become a part of some movie,

but its no movie, its a reality,

and I love the beauty of this reality.

I know things have turned out unexpected,

I would have done anything if I could,

to bring that smile back on Your face

but well right now the only thing I can do is,

Pray to God to bring back that Smile on the faces of few people,

who are sad and hurt for some or the other reason.

I had one more realization these days,

Things really turn painful and nightmare-type 

when You are not able to forgive yourself for some reason.

Every moment those thoughts haunt You,

All You see is the pain You have caused,

and apparently that becomes the pain You feel!

Sometimes the things left unsaid are the only things that matter ..

Maybe someday.. :(

I was happy,

I was sad.

And somehow that is better,

for that is essential for a human to lead a normal life.

( And I hate those moments of depression! )

Blush,

You make me feel better every time Baby. :)

Love You Sweetheart!

And I have a good news too,

I passed in my Digital Electronics test 

despite the silly luck and time issues I had to face that day. :D

( That was a bit irritating 'cause I would have easily scored well but I couldn't find the room I was supposed to sit in for a long time and the paper was a lengthy one!! )

So I can say that,

I am studying! :P

One more carry-over to go,

the toughest and the last one!

I desperately need to clear this one anyhow!

Pray for me Baby.

I love You.

*muaaaaaaaahhhhhh* ;)

May God Bless Everyone!

~ Time to let go ~

Heyi Baby Blush! :)

I know You must be rocking Sweetheart! ;)

( After all You are a part of a rock star's life.. :P... OK ok I know that was lame! :D )
Today was my first carry-over,
went fine. :)
( I hope my luck won't curse me this time! )
Although my luck has turned good these days! :D
Lets see how everything goes! :)


Today,
I did something,
which required a hell lot of courage..
I decided to cut off my last string with You ..
I decided to let You go forever.. away from me.. far away..
I know this is necessary for both of us,
especially for You 
to kick me out of Your Life!
I don't deserve a place there,
I have already caused so much of pain,
I don't have the strength to hurt You anymore.
Take Care
and 
Make a new start!
I'll pray for Your happiness every time.
And I hope someday You'll forgive me..


Apart from that,
I have decided to try giving a surprise to Someone. :D
Preparations are on,
lets see how it goes. :D
( Suppaaaaaaaaa - Excited!!!! :D )
Wish me luck Blush 
and
Hope for the Best
for Everyone! :)


Take care Baby,
See You very very soon. :)




... Life restarts ...

~ The Brighter side of Life ~

Blush! :)

The previous post gave words to the pain I have in my Heart

but that is not the only dominating emotion!

I am happy

for some very special reasons! :)

This month I finally found a brother in my college! :)

A person totally worth it,

who cares for me just like his sister

and

tries his best to pull me out of those depressing moods of mine!

I am very very thankful to You for standing there by my side when I really needed support! :)

And well God also gifted me with a cute sister in college.

This girl is always there for me to make me smile and 

talk about all those girly dreams she has

about her husband,

shopping

etc etc. :P

I love it when we sit together on the roof of our college

and laugh at every silly thing! :)

Truly makes me feel alive,

I desperately need those moments at that depressing place!

Then comes this amazing friend of mine

whom I call my 'girlfriend' :P

due to his fair complexion and girl-type behavior. :P

Every time I sit alone I find him next to me with all those funny and stupid jokes,

when nothing works he simply takes out his cell

and plays

Jalebi bai

and that somehow makes me smile! :D

He takes full care of mine and tries his best to make me smile when I become sad.

Truly amazing! :)

And then the most Special person,

a guy I totally rely upon!

I have to tell him every stupid happening of my day! :P

Even if he keeps shouting to shut up,

I carry on with my non-stop non-sense all the time! :P

and he has to hear all that stuff.

Every little thing he does for me makes me feel special

and alive! :)

He does every little thing possible

just to bring a smile on my face! :)

We do lots of silly things together and 

I totally totally love it with him!

You really make my life better among all those depressing things around me. :)

Thank You is a very very small word to say for that!

I know I act silly at times

or maybe most of the times

but I always find You there whenever I need Someone beside. :)

I would never make it through without You around ... :)

And my Angel,

my best friend is always there for me

whenever I need her! :)

I am blessed to have You guys in my life!

You people just complete my life

and make me feel alive every moment!

I promise I will hold on till the end,

Anything for You guys! :)

Love You all a lot!

Lowe You! ;)

<3 <3

Thank You God for these amazing people! :)

~ Message to Someone far away ~

Hey my Baby Blush! :)

I hope You are fine Sweetheart!

I have my two carry over exams this week and the third one next week,

I am really looking forward to clear my backs this time!

And I just wish this week passes away very soon and I once again get stress-free! :D

Apart from the exam stresses,

I have started hating my college more and more with every passing day 

and these days I prefer to stay at my home instead of going to college!

Somehow that place makes me feel uncomfortable now,

for I see changed attitude of 'Friends' there 

and above all I am not able to hide the hurt I feel 

when I recall some of those statements like,

'My parents didn't send me here to take care of Someone else..'

( The Someone being me.. )

It was bad, real bad!

Those memories just haunt me 

and somehow I feel alone seeing the look of indifference on those faces.

Am I so bad?

Yes! there are few friends who support me in my loneliness 

but I find my thoughts drifting to that day,

the eye-opener day..

I didn't utter a word for I knew I had hurt Someone very very bad,

I was in Pain too but maybe it seemed some melodrama to everyone else.

I know I won't be able to forgive myself ever for that..

And my Heart cried in pain hearing that,

'It was nice meeting You...'

God!

I had never expected that I would ever hear something like this from You but well I did.

People say to me,

'How would You understand the Pain You have caused...'

but very few know

The Pain I have caused is also the Pain I am undergoing.

Every time I think of You,

I hate myself for what I did with You!

How do I tell You I did care for You,

its just that I  couldn't convince my Heart in all those years

and

I just couldn't lie to You anymore.

I know I did wrong

but please trust me I never wanted to play with Your emotions.

It wasn't You, it was me,

it was totally my fault

but

I never ever intended to hurt You,

still don't.

I cared a hell lot for You,

will always do,

although the only thing I can do right now for You is 

pray to God to fill your life with happiness and help You make a new start.

Just one request,

Please stay who You are,

who You were with me,

an amazing human!

Please!

God Bless You!

Blush!

Am not feeling good! :(

~ In Shock ~

Blush Blush Blush ... !!

I am gone totally crazy today

( For a change out of happiness! :D ).

Trust me I was down with 

Nausea,

Fever,

Body-ache,

Headache,

Weakness

and what not! :P

I spent my entire day on bed feeling the pain

( Which was terrible! )

Yes I did go to college for two hours to attend my Lab

( Even if You are on the verge of death You have to attend Your lab! :P ).

Anyways Screw the lab for now!! :D

Then I came back and fall down on my Bed again,

and then I received a surprise when I saw my Papa come home! :D

And as I was dealing with this surprise,

I received the other one

( And the bigger one! ).

Out of nowhere the Unexpected happened!! :)

I was in the state of shock,

just one thought in my mind,

'Is this really happening???'

I even asked my brother to slap me! :P

And yes it was no dream,

It was all true,

so so so true!! :)

I just tried to calm myself for a long time,

for I didn't want my parents to take me to a psychiatrist. :P

But that smile and that glow refused to fade away from my face,

I was loving each and every bit of that!

God!!

I am so so so thankful to You!

Truly,

From the start,

things have been so unexpected with You!!

Means I really hadn't imagined that this day would come in my life,

But

See its here! :)

And from the core of my Heart I am glad its here! :)

Although I wish Some things wouldn't have ended up this way,

for I really cared for them a lot

( I wish I could prove that.. ).

I am sure 

maybe someday I will be able to explain things,

till then

I wish all the happiness in this World for You! :)

( I really do! )

And coming back to the shock,

I am loving it!!

And I am looking forward to enjoy it to the core! :)

Yes this is the OMG moment of my life

and 

I'll never ever forget this!

Never Baby Never! :)

Blush I wish I could hug You right now! :D

I Lowe You!!!! :)

Thank You so much God!!

And Yes

I would never make it through without You around! :)

~ Illusion v/s Reality ~

August 6,2011, a day I will remember throughout my Life,

a day which brought me to reality

shattering the World of illusions I was living in.

Yesterday I realized the power of forgiveness,

the pain of loving Someone deeply,

the hurt of a broken trust,

and

despite everything the bond of Care.

Yes I lived in my World of illusions

where I be believed that I was a good human,

yesterday the reality hit me hard on my face,

telling me,

'You have always been a Bitch!

The girls You hated, You are nothing else but one of them.

You don't give a damn about Other's feelings,

You are so fucking mean!'

Yes I lived in my World of illusions

where I thought I was far far away from ego and that over-attitude

and yesterday the reality hit me hard on my face 

telling me,

'Who the Fuck do You think You are!

Who gave You the rights to play with the emotions of others, huh?

What is that fucking attitude for!?

Do You think You are some bloody ruler of this World?

You are a No One!!'

Yes I lived in my World of illusions

where I thought I never wanted to hurt anyone

and yesterday the reality hit me hard on my face

telling me,

' Care?

Do You even know what that means??

You fucking don't!

Never ever bring that thought again in Your mind!

You are no Mother Teresa!

You are a Play-girl!

It doesn't matter to You how others feel because of You!'

Yes I know I was wrong,

all these years.

Yes I know it was all my fault,

I should have told You before.

I shouldn't have hidden the truth from You,

I should have had that much of faith on You.

Its all my Fault I know.

Sorry is a very small word to say,

Sorry can't compensate the mistakes I have committed 

and the Pain I have caused

It can't get me the trust back that I have shattered 

intentionally as well as unintentionally.

I know no one can ever Love me more than You did

but I wasn't worth it,

I didn't deserve you.

And please believe me for the last time,

I never used You,

never ever did!

I never wished to hurt You,

it was something I was most afraid of,

Hurting You!

And look at me,

I ended up doing that,

hurting You to the core..

I didn't do a favor on You coming in Your life,

I did that because I felt it was the right thing to do then.

I know I should never have,

I am Sorry.

You made my Life better,

You kept me happy.

I wish You get a beautiful life ahead.

I will never be able to forgive myself for bringing You the Pain.

Never.

You are an Angel and for God's sake stay the way You were 

with me

a wonderful Person.

I will never come across Your path if that is what You want,

if that makes Your life better.

God bless You

and

God forgive me,

Although I myself never will.

Sorry is a small word to say,

yet I say sorry

for these feelings can't be given words every time..

Stay Happy, Stay Blessed!