30.12.2011
Dear Blush,
Just one more day left in this year ( approximately one and a half or a little less than that ) and past few days since my B'day in the 22nd have been quite nice. This month of December gifted me a lot of Special people back into my life ( And I am so very thankful to God for that! ). Past few days especially the Christmas and 27th were so so special to me that I can't define those emotions those feelings in words.It was something so intense, so pure and so magical, like something I had never ever felt before in my life. I had never ever thought watching tears in Someone's eyes would bring some in mine 'cause I couldn't bear the sight or maybe 'cause I couldn't just stop them.. ! But it did and I was very very touched by that! I had never ever thought being proposed for marriage ( Although without the knees down and the ring in the hand ) would bring the tears of joy in my eyes ( Unbelievable! ), but it did! And I was definitely surprised by the showing up of this girly instinct within me! I felt special, I did! Past few days of love, care, those magical feelings made my life beautiful and I so very cherish all those moments. Never in my life before I had felt this feeling of possessiveness, this feeling of hating to share Someone ( Not even a single percent! ), this feeling of having all the time and attention of Someone, but now, I don't know why I have started to feel that! I am a very possessive person at times but I prefer to hide it all within me 'cause I don't want to put any kind of restrictions on anyone's life. But I definitely can't sound all happy happy about it all the time especially when I am in a very sad mood and I need all the attention for myself and this thing put me in a bad situation today. I kept apologizing ( And will keep apologizing ) for my stupid behavior ( Only if I could explain I needed Someone so badly that moment and then my cellphone network screwed up some things and then I slept and when I woke up I found Some messages that upset me even more and I ended up sounding even more cold when actually I wanted to hug You or maybe burst into tears! ). At the end of the day all I want is You, all smiling and happy and just look at me I am so bad I can't even get that! :( ( And that really hurts inside! ). I am certainly one very bad person..
So today my mind was partially occupied by this hurt and guilt but Some very good things too happened today, somethings very random, things I hadn't expected at all ( Surprises of life! ).
First was going out for a lunch ( Chicken! ) with my most Special friend and then going to our favorite spot ever since I joined that stupid college, near the flowing dam water with lots and lots of trees and fields and very very gentle and cool breeze ( Just love the atmosphere! ). Scooty ride made it feel even more better, having some sunshine on my face and feeling the breeze all over. Nature certainly gives us wonderful gifts! Loved everything about it, the aura and the company, Thank You! :)
And second thing was very very surprising, got to see my very very wonderful mechanics teacher ( And Crush! ) after a great deal of time. It felt so good to have him right in front of my eyes and talk to him about our college and his college etc etc ( One of the OMG feeling! ). He is so very motivating and inspiring, one of the most amazing person I know! :) I wish You get the Best of everything in Your life Sir, You definitely deserve that!
So the day was good ( yet sad ), I am missing You like anything but I think I have committed a big big mistake which won't be forgiven easily.. I am really sorry for letting my mood dominate, I just didn't mean to hurt You or upset You but... I am very bad!
Just want You to know,
I miss You!
I lov(w)e You! ( Like I never did to anyone.. ! )
I feel so so Special and different about You that I don't wish to share even a single percent of You! ( Maybe 'cause I am afraid that I might have to lose You.... )
And losing You is something I can't afford, just can't, even the thought just kills me.. !
No matter how bad I might be, I can never be selfish to You, never!
And God! I miss You so so badly,
I am very very sorry,
Please forgive me.... ! :(
Love,
Me.
Dear Blush,
Just one more day left in this year ( approximately one and a half or a little less than that ) and past few days since my B'day in the 22nd have been quite nice. This month of December gifted me a lot of Special people back into my life ( And I am so very thankful to God for that! ). Past few days especially the Christmas and 27th were so so special to me that I can't define those emotions those feelings in words.It was something so intense, so pure and so magical, like something I had never ever felt before in my life. I had never ever thought watching tears in Someone's eyes would bring some in mine 'cause I couldn't bear the sight or maybe 'cause I couldn't just stop them.. ! But it did and I was very very touched by that! I had never ever thought being proposed for marriage ( Although without the knees down and the ring in the hand ) would bring the tears of joy in my eyes ( Unbelievable! ), but it did! And I was definitely surprised by the showing up of this girly instinct within me! I felt special, I did! Past few days of love, care, those magical feelings made my life beautiful and I so very cherish all those moments. Never in my life before I had felt this feeling of possessiveness, this feeling of hating to share Someone ( Not even a single percent! ), this feeling of having all the time and attention of Someone, but now, I don't know why I have started to feel that! I am a very possessive person at times but I prefer to hide it all within me 'cause I don't want to put any kind of restrictions on anyone's life. But I definitely can't sound all happy happy about it all the time especially when I am in a very sad mood and I need all the attention for myself and this thing put me in a bad situation today. I kept apologizing ( And will keep apologizing ) for my stupid behavior ( Only if I could explain I needed Someone so badly that moment and then my cellphone network screwed up some things and then I slept and when I woke up I found Some messages that upset me even more and I ended up sounding even more cold when actually I wanted to hug You or maybe burst into tears! ). At the end of the day all I want is You, all smiling and happy and just look at me I am so bad I can't even get that! :( ( And that really hurts inside! ). I am certainly one very bad person..
So today my mind was partially occupied by this hurt and guilt but Some very good things too happened today, somethings very random, things I hadn't expected at all ( Surprises of life! ).
First was going out for a lunch ( Chicken! ) with my most Special friend and then going to our favorite spot ever since I joined that stupid college, near the flowing dam water with lots and lots of trees and fields and very very gentle and cool breeze ( Just love the atmosphere! ). Scooty ride made it feel even more better, having some sunshine on my face and feeling the breeze all over. Nature certainly gives us wonderful gifts! Loved everything about it, the aura and the company, Thank You! :)
And second thing was very very surprising, got to see my very very wonderful mechanics teacher ( And Crush! ) after a great deal of time. It felt so good to have him right in front of my eyes and talk to him about our college and his college etc etc ( One of the OMG feeling! ). He is so very motivating and inspiring, one of the most amazing person I know! :) I wish You get the Best of everything in Your life Sir, You definitely deserve that!
So the day was good ( yet sad ), I am missing You like anything but I think I have committed a big big mistake which won't be forgiven easily.. I am really sorry for letting my mood dominate, I just didn't mean to hurt You or upset You but... I am very bad!
Just want You to know,
I miss You!
I lov(w)e You! ( Like I never did to anyone.. ! )
I feel so so Special and different about You that I don't wish to share even a single percent of You! ( Maybe 'cause I am afraid that I might have to lose You.... )
And losing You is something I can't afford, just can't, even the thought just kills me.. !
No matter how bad I might be, I can never be selfish to You, never!
And God! I miss You so so badly,
I am very very sorry,
Please forgive me.... ! :(
Love,
Me.
