Confused is the state of mind.

I am feeling so damn blank right now and I just don't know what to do, what to say, what to think or just anything at all.

I don't know what to do with my life right now.

I have a pair of eyes looking at me but no smile.

It's like I have done something really really bad and I just don't understand how I turn out to be the bad person every time, be it anyone!

Am I really that mean or anything like that?

I honestly don't get it that why can't I be perfectly happy for once, I just wanna be happy, maybe just for a day but I so desperately need it! :(

I don't want to feel this pain inside my body for once, this pain that hurts me every single day somehow or the other.

I don't want to be scared for once that I am going to lose someone because of my actions.

I don't want to be misunderstood every single time, I need you to be there instead of getting mad at me and leaving me.

I feel so damn lost and nothing helps, not these tears, not those fake smiles, just nothing at all.

I don't know how long will I be able to deal with this.

I am tired of watching people leave over and over again.

Just sick of it.

Just a day of happiness, would be more than enough.

Tonight I miss that smile in front of my eyes,

I miss those expressions, 

that cute look meant to scare me,

that stupid laughter when something funny happens,

that love in the eyes when i need to be comforted.

I miss everything and it brings tears to my eyes when I don't see you here and I just don't know what to do about it.

You matter the most to me.

I so wish you were here!

'Cause I can't afford losing you,

'Cause it hurts so much to watch you walk away,

'Cause it brings tears to my eyes to not find you near,

'Cause its making me cry right now..

I miss you.. :'(

Its not easy to be me.

Hey Blush!

Very very upset right now.

Somehow I always end up alone, always.

I just wish to cry my heart out tonight.

No dream is too big, I guess.

Hey blush! :)

Its been pretty long since I visited you.

Need you once again.

I am going through a weird phase right now.

Its just like I am disappointed with everyone and I don't feel like being in touch with everyone.

I don't find anything to talk about, its all a big blank as if the slate of my mind has been wiped clean.

I am not able to figure out the reason as to why I have been feeling so distant.

People have started bothering me, their attempts to use me have started suffocating me.

I just wished to be loved without any expectations, without any judgements for once.

My solitude is peaceful but if I say I love it, it would be a mere lie.

Yes it is good at times but there are moments when it starts depressing me.

Yes everyone is mean, people always think about themselves first no matter how close they are and it is next to impossible to find a person who puts you first but I somehow managed to find one person who I respect for his decisions and putting other's happiness first.

I find him pretty much similar to me but I wonder is it worth living a life in which you sacrifice your own happiness for people who don't even acknowledge you for once.

Money and the happiness it buys is just not what I expect,

I find my happiness in small gestures and things.

I am very very thankful to God and a person for last night,

for being there without any demands and just telling me how special I am although I don't have a clue about it.

Thank you so much!

If I ever get over my issues I'll be lucky to make you completely crazy as you would say it!

I am not the type of person who experiences happy tears every now and then.

It is too rare for me and still I experienced it, thank you for that.

This phase of my life really makes me wonder how it would be like after 2 years when I'll be all set to go far away and start a new life.

Yes I got big dreams and I need to make them come true for my own sake, for my own happiness for once.

Help me God to achieve everything I wish to.

For now I guess its going to be my solitude, my insanity and me for some time and maybe an amazing company at times.

Lets see where my life takes me.

# The forbidden love (Fiction)

"Do you love me?", she asked, looking deep into his eyes.

"Of course I do baby! You doubt me?", he replied with a smile on his face.

"No I don't doubt, it just sounds so beautiful. I love hearing it.", she said with shine in her eyes and entwining her fingers in his.

"You rule my heart!", he said as he took off her top and brushed his lips against her warm shoulder skin.

She felt a chill pass down her body as he moved his fingers down her back to her waist and leaned in to kiss her.

She looked into his eyes as his lips moved on hers and then slowly closed her eyes and surrendered herself in his arms.

This wasn't supposed to happen, this feeling, these emotions rushing through her body, she wasn't supposed to feel them, it was the deal, but everything had changed with time and she had fallen in love with him, the forbidden love.

She had this rush, this turmoil inside her to tell him that she loves him every time he kissed her and went on kissing her but she just closed her eyes and keep it all within, scared of the consequences.

But today, today she felt different, as he undressed her and moved inside her, she looked into his eyes, deep down, she could feel tears in her eyes but she blinked them away and kept looking at him.

He made love to her and she went on losing herself to him and then she brought her lips close to his and mumbled, "I love you!"

She didn't think once today, she just said it, loud enough to be heard by him and then she closed her eyes and waited for his reaction.

"Love you!", he said and they made love and then cuddled. 

Everything was as perfect as it could be, but she knew this was going to hurt her soon but she was willing to take the risks to be with him.

Days passed by, the memories were still fresh and she kept wondering how come he made her smile every time just by showing his face to her, she never got the answer.

She decided to go and surprise him one day. She got ready and reached his place, with silent footsteps she moved upstairs, close to his room. 

There he was, on his bed but she realised she wasn't needed there, he already had a beautiful girl with him.

Lying next to him, maybe even the girl felt like she was on the top of the world like she did.

And then she left silently without being noticed.

She reached home and lied down on her bed. As she closed her eyes she could picture the day he made love to her but this time she wasn't there, it was the other girl.

She cried silently and opened her eyes hearing the message tone on her cell.

There it was, "Baby I love you!", he lied to her again and she didn't know what to say to him.

The time to feel the hurt had come.