~ Nervous ~

Heyi Blush!

Hope you are fine baby! :*

I lately realized life can be so so unexpected!

One morning I wake up and receive a message that a friend of mine is no more! Taken totally aback I message my other friends to confirm the details and it turns out to be true. Yet unbelievable to me, every little thing about her keeps revolving around in my head all the time. Especially her plans for her future, there was a guy she was in a committed relationship with since past 4-5 years. I remember her saying they would convince their parents and get married and I believe they would do so and now I can’t even think about the condition the guy would be in. I never knew him personally but she told me a lot about him, it pains me to think about his loss. I lost a friend too but that is nothing compared to the boy who lost the love of his life, I can’t even imagine being in such a situation!

Every detail of her goes on and on in my mind and there is no one I can share the stuff with. I was the first person she spoke to after joining the college and later she told me about her wrong judgment about me based on my first impression. She had thought I was a girl filled with attitude but as she got to know me she thought I was a sweet person. She loved watching my photos in my cell phone and she loved the special ring I have. It’s still so unbelievable to me. I was hoping to see her and tell her how I was about to start a new life but now I can’t .. I’ll miss you, I’ll!

I am just surprised, very surprised. I myself am in love with a person and for the ones who think I don’t know the meaning of love, He defines love for me. The feeling I have for him is love to me, the goose bumps I have every time he is close is love to me! And trust me even the thought of being without him hurts so much, I don’t even want to face that pain ever in my life. I am ready to take every other pain to avoid the pain of being without him, I am! I can maybe let go everything I have but not him, he makes me strong but he also makes me weak at times. Lately we are going through a ‘Nothing to talk about’ phase and maybe it is just with me because he can’t share everything with me. It really scares me what if this becomes permanent what if he gets bored of the dumb me who has nothing to tell, I don’t know what I’ll do! I find him happy with others but not with me, I don’t know what is up, I just don’t!

I don’t know why but nights are scary for me, I really really need someone to be with me but sadly I stay alone and it’s even more scary! The ‘I don’t care’ attitude is not cool, knowing everything if you do get ready to leave me on my own then maybe I should learn to live with this, puts me in a sad position. I really think myself to be a sad little person at times, nothing works out for me, ever!

I am about to make a new start in my life. I have an entrance exam tomorrow morning clearing which will take me a step closer to my dreams. I intend to do my best and live my dreams utilizing the first and last chance I have! If I fail this time I’ll make a fool of myself in front of everyone and if I pass I’ll be the ideal example for people who love and support me and also the ones who criticize me. I don’t know how long I am destined to live but till I am breathing I would rather utilize my every single breath to catch up with my life and get rid of all the complications. I owe a lot to my father who despite everything is giving me this chance putting some faith in me and also to my friends who instead of laughing at me are happy for me and are there to back me up every time I stumble! I love you guys, thank you for being there!!

Next three years are going to be the most important years of my life because they’ll decide the destiny of rest of my life and it’s totally on me to make the best of it or screw it like the rest of my life and I believe I am ready for a change now, no more screwing up! It’s high time to stop screwing everything and start living my life and chasing the big dreams I carry in my eyes. Thank you God for giving me this chance!!

So I guess the cloudy sky is just to welcome a bright new ray of sunshine and dissolve itself in the clear sky to make us realize the importance of rays which we ignore on any normal day!

Wish me luck baby, tomorrow is just a beginning!

And to the One, if you ever think I don’t know what love is, look deep into my eyes you’ll find yourself there.

Bless me God!

~ I love David Guetta! ~

Heyii Blush!

I was just watching my favorite part of ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’!

And believe me it is so damn heart-touching, just makes me want to cry, the perfect marriage proposal!

I have just tuned in ‘Wonderful tonight’, the track played during that moment ( which is beautiful too by the way! ). Once again its night and I am here all alone.

So I am the type of person who doesn’t really like marriage in stuff or as we say the career before marriage type but well despite my disliking for the marriage there are a few moments in my life that I’ll always remember. Let us say there are two beautiful, very beautiful moments in my life, one was a drunken mistake and other an overwhelming surprise. Those incidents and my reactions actually made me wonder about the things I wanted and surprisingly the disliking didn’t matter then because it was the guy I love.

Well I guess there is one person in everyone’s life who makes everything perfect, the one person who when comes in front of you all your logic, all your reasoning jumps out of the window and love takes over. I am glad as well as lucky to have found that one person. But well love always comes with a cost and it is hard to maintain the happy relation forever, for there are stupid fights, issues, problems and stuff but I guess things that are meant to be always find a way to stick together!

I am missing someone a lot right now and I would really love it if he would have called me knowing how the nights are for me. It doesn’t feel right when I have other people by my side when I need him, so I push everyone else away too and stay alone till it becomes unbearable to me. I am just a kid inside and I do get scared.. and being alone sucks!

I am a little freaked out regarding my academic results, they’ll be out any minute now and if things don’t go fine I am really going to be screwed up, real bad! So fingers crossed! Despite everything, all the tensions, I am not able to take my eyes off my cell phone! Every time it blinks my heart skips a beat expecting it would be him but then disappointment comes over and I get sad.

I have become a stupid person, I just stopped everything for one thing and sadly it doesn’t even matter. I should really get a life of my own! I wonder how it would be like to be all free, no one to question, no one to stop, just total freedom! Being so bounded by my family I crave for freedom, I dream for it and I can’t wait for it! It’s getting harder and harder for me, really want to get drunk and get some good proper sleep! I also crave for sleep now. I have become a lazy ass, on the bed entire day and still tired! I really need to do some stuff and just do something, I am tired of being on the bed entire day like a sick person and staring my phone all the time!

Just tuned in ‘Sexy Bitch’! David Guetta makes me want to move and groove, no matter what mood I am in! :P

So I am kind of dancing and typing at the same time, and yea it is my wish to attend his concert at least once in my lifetime! Damn I want to hear these sexy beats live and dance my ass off! :P .. See I actually am in good mood now, credits to DG! :D

So now I am wondering I should make another of my wish list ( I think that is a great idea! :D )

I am going to catch up in a while Blush.

Love you! :*

~ Lonely nights ~

Heyi Blush!

It has been quite long I know!

I have really been waiting to write down here, missed it like anything!

So lately I have become an insomniac, can’t sleep before the sun rises!

When the world gets up, I go to sleep and these nights aren’t good!

I spend them all alone most of the time thinking about my future which I have no idea of.. It is all so scary!

I have these big big dreams and it hurts to realize I won’t be able to live them just because I have no support, no beliefs in me.. I feel sorry for myself!

So minutes back I was watching ‘Tangled’ ( Beautiful movie! ), the part where our beautiful princess lives her dream with the one she loves! ( Lucky enough! ) Simply love the way he supports her till the end no matter how insignificant or stupid the dream was, the lamps look all so beautiful, I wish I could have a similar moment in my real life!

I am all alone, spending the night on my own wondering who to call but no name rings except one and that one name is my life!

I remember how days back a dream of my came true, a shooting star, and in that moment there was just one thing  I missed, I needed and I asked for, without any second thought my lips whispered a name and that was it!

I have never been in love before, love as in LOVE!

And now that I am in love, my world has come to a standstill. Maybe it is stupid that I wish to spend every second with him like no one else exists and expect the same from him but it just comes naturally. And I hate every single person who tried/tries to get him away from me, I just can’t stand that! So I tend to behave weirdly at times for inexplicable reasons. I never ever forget things, good or bad, and they come to me every now and then and I try to focus on the good ones but I also spend nights crying over the things that hurt me. What hurts the most is the fact that even after giving my everything to a relationship I get to hear things I never ever even dream of. It really kills but I am just learning to deal with it.

Lately I have no control over my temper ‘cause my life is pretty much screwed and I stay freaked out most of the time so I just get pissed and spill things out although I don’t want to but well I guess I’ll be fine again once few things of my life are sorted out.

When my heart is hurt like anything I just wonder how it would be like to go and live somewhere, where no one knows me! No one to hurt me.. and I just wish it comes true but then there is a second thought how’ll I survive without him and every moment flashbacks in front of my eyes!

I have no idea what is wrong with me but there are things that I want, things that I need. An understanding heart is like my most basic necessity right now but I tend to lose it every now and then. I am the type of person who speaks the opposite of what I actually need and I just hope the person to understand but sadly most of the time it doesn’t happen and I end up being alone.

So baby I’ll just go now, I am not feeling well.

Love you, miss you!

Will be back soon!