... And I wish to die ...

~ Whats the mood?! ~

Heyiii Blush! :)

How are You doing my Baby?? :*

Yep I know You want to kick me right now for being so irregular 

and I am totally ready for that! :D

( Anytime! ;) )

Right now I am in one of those groovy groovy moods

( Ye muzik band na karo .. :D ),

seems like my cassette is stuck here only. :P

And I am happy

and yet

I am sad!

Happy?

There are many reasons to be. :)

A Crush, and watching him for hours and hours. :D

( Silly one :D )

A love, and having him to take care of myself. :)

A chocolate, I had been waiting from a long time!

( Silk :D ),

I love that chocolate..... !!

Yummieeeeeee.... ! :D

Beautiful weather. :)

Silly time with my friends

( Loved it! :) ).

Arrival of my Angel in town! :D

Meeting my sis tomorrow

( Tomorrow being the weekend! :P ).

Right now only this much reasons are coming to my mind. :D

I am hopping on my chair

and talking with some of my friends

and there is some part of my mind

which is asking me 

if I should message him,

my Angel,

who is no more talking to me .. 

Should I.. ?

I don't know if he would even talk to me ever

and then

what about letting him go.

Confused

yep I am!

I don't know what is the right thing to do.

I don't want to remind him of the hurt

but 

I don't wish to lose him too. :(

I am stuck badly here!

And then I am not sure if I am going right or not.

I am not able to analyze if he is happy with me or not.

I hope he is, really do.

Simply love it when he is always there to look after me! :)

I lowe You... ! 

I wish You had the solution to my this problem too,

but never mind.

You are always there to make me smile

and

I try to do the same.. :)

I lowe You!

See you very soon my Blush.. ! :)

This is how life goes on .... ! 

Everything is going so so wrong right now... !

Nothing appears to work.

God what have You planned for me.. !?! :(

~ Random ~

Hey Blush! 

Finally the weekend! :)

Right now,

there are so many things going on

and

I believe

most of them are out of my control.

I am unable to understand,

where exactly do I go wrong,

every time!?

I am unable to understand 

what exactly should I do?

to make things better.

No idea,

simply no idea at all.

I find myself getting deeply hurt,

I find my pillow soaked in tears during the nights

and yet

I smile,

for people around me.

I chose to hide the hurt deep within.

I never forced anyone for anything,

never will,

but that simply doesn't mean,

that I would be able to stop myself from getting hurt,

I would be able to stop the tears from coming out of my eyes.

No, I can't.

I am a human and somethings are not in my control.

I can only hide it,

and I guess that is exactly what time demands of me

at the instant.

I only wish that the clouds of complexities and confusions would disappear soon

and the bright ray of joy and hope will re-enter my life once again.

Every human has a saturation-point,

and I hope things get better

before I reach mine.

I don't wish to lose myself once again,

simply wont be able to recollect myself this time.

There are moments when I feel like,

deactivating my Facebook account,

stop visiting You Blush,

stop seeing my friends,

just living alone with the hurt

and 

cry.. cry my pain out..

Lets see what do I do.

God help me !

~ Helpless ~

Blush.. :(

I am really bad no?

I know I am ..

Seems like I have become an expert in hurting people

and

making them sad.

( That too the ones I love the most.. :( ).

I was already dealing with the guilt of hurting one of my Angels,

With the look of indifference in the eyes of my best brother,

With the accusing eyes of my college friends

and today

One more thing adds up to the list,

The guilt and hurt of hurting Someone so special

and

so close to my Heart! :(

Blush!

What do I do?

Why, every time these eyes shed tears?

Why!?

Yesterday night I woke up and

found a message from a college friend,

' Through your life,

You will learn the difference between holding a hand and falling in love,

You will learn kisses don't always mean something,

Promises can be broken as easily as they were made,

You will get back all that You give, good or bad,

Someone will make You realize the pain, You already have given,

Sometimes good-byes are forever,

But some people will leave You never,

And that day You will realize,

How Beautiful is your life ... '

These words hit me hard,

I knew what it was supposed to mean,

I got to know why every time 

that friend looked at me with that weird and accusing look,

I got to know my value in their eyes,

I was hurt,

deeply hurt.. !

I was supposed to realize the pain I had given,

these words kept revolving in my mind over and over again,

I tried to sleep,

I couldn't.

I wanted to share the hurt I was undergoing

with Someone

but soon I realized,

I had hurt him too..

He was upset all because of me,

me, me, me,

causing pains all the time!

I didn't know what to do,

I spent my entire day with so many people around,

juniors,

friends,

people I knew,

but I was alone.

Somehow I managed to plaster a smile on my face.

For some instants I lost the control,

I sat with a note-book,

to write,

wrote few lines

and my mind gave up.

Tears filled in my eyes,

and I started looking out of the window,

to hide them.

I didn't want to make a show of my tears.

And then,

on my way back home,

today 

I experienced the most killing silence.

I didn't know what to do,

what not-to-do,

tears came up in my eyes

and 

I flashed them away,

It was not the right time and place,

I kept strong.

I didn't know what I had done,

where exactly did I go wrong,

what should I do,

nothing!

Blank.

I was in pain,

physically and mentally.

Somehow I manged to reach home,

and went directly to bed.

Somehow I gathered the courage

to talk

and then

'Bye.'

I had nothing more left within me. :'(

And 'else-part' .. !?

After spending so much of time with me,

You actually think that .. ?!

How do I tell You,

You have always been my priority,

always.. ! :(

and will be..

I don't know.. what to say..

Its all so bad!

I hate that college.

God!

Please help me. :'(

I am not that strong,

I just am not,

Please! :(

I am a human,

I have feelings,

I get hurt too.

I am not a machine programmed 

to maintain a smile on my face all the time.

I can't.

I am sorry,

I am.

At least You,

Please forgive me!

:(

This message from my junior says some part of what I wish to say,

' Being good is very difficult.

It is like being a goalkeeper.

No matter how many goals You save,

people remember only the ones you missed.. ! :( '

God! Am I that bad?

~ Expecting too much? ~

Heyii Blush! :)

I know You must be rocking Baby! ;)

Today was one of the bestest day of my life

( Sometimes grammar should be ignored! :P ).

As I would call it,

the Perfect Rain! :)

It totally was... !

I spent more than 4 hours on my college roof,

it began with the company of loneliness and gentle wind,

and ended in the arms of Someone in the rain

( Perfect! :) ).

The evening was truly beautiful,

Running throughout the roof without my slippers :D ,

Watching the rainbow,

( Yes! Finalllyyy! Two of them! :D ),

Watching the color-changing clouds,

Lying down on the roof using our bags as our pillows,

Feeling the wonderful wind,

Trying to dance :D,

Walking without stepping on the roof,

And finding my comfort .. :)

( And I have this feeling right now that I just can't define everything in words.. :) ).

Its wonderful,

how even now,

time fells short every time,

and

the chills simply come back over and over again!

Loved it! :)

Despite the wonderful evening,

there was something that shouldn't have happened

( Or maybe I don't know why exactly that happened.. ).

I really wonder,

Am I expecting too much??

All of a sudden,

I found myself quite upset in the noon.

I spent my entire time expecting,

I would give Something I had especially brought for Someone to Him,

but well,

that didn't happen due to some reasons,

and then something came into my mind,

and I found myself sad.

And that is exactly why I went on the roof,

I go there when I feel sad..

I know it wasn't His fault 

and I didn't mean to be rude.

but

it happened. :(

I don't know what was on my mind that time,

I only wanted 5 minutes,

and it felt really bad when I couldn't have them throughout a day..

I felt my thoughts drifting away,

my mind going blank,

and then ,

tears..

Don't know why ,

don't know when,

but I could feel their presence.

I know this wasn't supposed to go this way but it did,

and

I am Sorry for that! :(

I know I am stupid,

but I didn't mean to.. really didn't..

I was feeling so bad when You stayed although You didn't want to,

'cause of my stupid mood!

All I wanted to see was that cute smile on your face,

like You every time had when I brought something for You,

but 

I ended up making it disappear

( I am so so bad! ).

May be I should learn to keep my mood

as well as

my tears

in my control.. !

I Lowe You!

And yet I say,

Thank You God for the wonderful evening!

~ No title this time ~

Heyi Blush! 

Hope you are fine baby.

Here I am, with You! :)

I won't say I am happy or something,

'cause deep inside I am feeling really bad.

Today I had thought that I would bring a smile on Someone's face,

but I couldn't.

instead,

I found myself getting hurt

( And I chose to hide it.. ).

I felt as if my attempt, my effort,

didn't mean anything,

a waste, a total waste.

A day back everything was so wonderful,

so so beautiful,

I don't know how,

but I just found myself felling in love,

with You,

again.

Yes!

Again!

From the moment we met 

till the moment You dropped me home,

Perfect!

Absolutely Perfect!

And your eyes,

Magical!

Every time they look into my eyes,

I feel so special,

so magical.

Wow!

I feel lost,

with You,

nothing matters then,

no worries,

just nothing,

only You!

and then just after a day,

I find myself helpless,

I am simply not able to bring that smile back on your face,

that shine back in your eyes.

I find myself gazing your face every now and then,

and then the feeling of helplessness comes into action.

I feel bad,

and I am not able to say.

What should I say!?

It was bad! :(

I really wish things turn better soon..

And then,

since morning

my mind was filled with the memory of

'Chilli Chicken'

( the world best one! ).

It is the yummiest chicken I have ever had,

and will always be..

It was not just some random dish for random person,

it was made with so much of love,

on a special request.

I miss it! :(

Above all I miss the person who made it,

for me!

Somehow something brings Your memories back,

everyday and then I feel so bad..

Yes!

I miss You around. :(

God bless everyone!

~ Uneasiness ~

Heyi Blush!

Hope You are fine Baby.

I am really feeling low right now.

Its something like I am standing amidst so much of confusions and thoughts.

At times I have this feeling like

' What goes around comes around!'

Yes this is exactly how I feel at times,

something like,

I will have to pay for what I did..

Wrong,

with Someone..

Sometimes I feel I am undergoing the same things,

once he would have

and

then 

I realize How right You were that time 

and

how wrong I was!

I can never ever fix that,

I know!

But if You ever come across this,

I want You to know,

You were the right one,

and me

the wrong one!

Yes!

I admit that,

truly from my Heart.

Sorry is a small word to say 

( Yet again! )

but still I say

I am Sorry!

Please forgive me!

I really miss You around,

Love or no love,

You were my best friend,

( I always said to You we shared better relation than a girlfriend-boyfriend.. )

rather much more than that,

and you know that.

You were like a family,

I had never ever thought a day would come 

when this would be happening!

No contacts with You!

Wow!

I still can't believe it!

It feels like I lost some part of me with You. :(

I still wish something happens

and

all this comes to an end.

Things become normal again,

like they used to be in the very beginning.

Those silly chit-chats,

stupid meetings,

being in the family,

everything.. just everything!

I wish someday,

things will turn like they used to be.

I miss You!

Take Care!

May God bless You!

~ Labels or Love ;) ~

Heyii Blush!

Hope you are fine sweetheart! :*

Right now my mind is occupied with this song

and I am here to share the wonderful lyrics. ;)

Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, is all I’m thinking of
Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, is all I’m thinking of

I already know what my addiction is
I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love
I shop for purses while love walks out the door
Don’t cry, buy a bag and get over it
And, I’m not concerned with all them politics
Got a lot of men I know I could find another

But I know is that I’m always happy when I walk out the store, store
I guess I'm Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him,
Tryna walk a mile in my kicks

Love’s like a runway but which one do I love more
No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior
Love’s like a runway, so what’s all the fussing for
Let’s stop chasing those boys and shop some more


I know I might come off as negative
I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love
But, relationships are often so hard to tame
A Prada dress has never broken my heart before
And, ballin's something that i'm fed up with
I’mma do the damn thing, watch me do the damn thing
Cause I know that my credit card will help me put out the flames

I guess i'm Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him
Tryna walk a mile in my kicks


Gucci, Fendi, Prada versus purchasing them finer things
Men they come a dime a dozen, just give me them diamond rings
I’m into a lot of bling, Cadallic, Chanel and Coach
Fellas boast, but they can’t really handle my female approach
Buying things thats hard to say
Rocking Christian Audigier,
Manolo, or Polo, taking photos in my Cartier
So we can’t go all the way, I know you might hate it but
I’m a shop for labels while them ladies lay and wait for love


Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, is all I’m thinking of
Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, is all I’m thinking of .. ! ;)

Ohh yea I Love Labels 

but

I have also found my Love! ;)

Enjoying the track! :D